#using more discernment & trusting myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rebeltarot · 1 year ago

Text

FUTURE SPOUSE ➕ VDay Special - Love Letter from your Future Spouse

“I was, and I remain, utterly and completely and totally in love with you.”

[3 piles] ・ [5 decks] ・ [29-39 cards for each pile] ・ [letters, quotes, songs]

Hello friends! It's almost Valentine's Day, and I am so excited to share this Special with you. What are your plans for this Valentine's Day? Are you spending it with a cherished person, your friends, or are you your own Valentine this year? Definitely let me know. I love holidays that bring people together which is why I dedicated a reading for it. Enjoy.

Painting: Diana and Cupid - Pompeo Batoni (1761)

Helpful Links: How to choose your pile ➕ Request a reading

18+ only - This is not a blog for minors. Warnings: Some piles have sexual innuendos.

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

PILE 01 ➕

Disclaimer: All Tarot readings on this blog are meant for entertainment purposes only. My Pick-a-card readings are based on my knowledge of the tarot and my intuition. Tarot is a divination tool and should not be considered a replacement for medical or professional guidance. It is not intended to be used as such, and any choices made in response to my readings are your own responsibility. All interpretations are speculative, and whether you believe in it is your choice. Readings are for self-reflection purposes only; take what resonates, and leave the rest. My readings are timeless unless stated otherwise.

CONFIRMATION

Signs and confirmation that this is your pile. This can be anything from your initials, astrological placements, significant messages or signs, places, songs, etc. Please use your discernment.

B, L, A, I, N, E, H, blank, 11:33, 11

Quote: Even if the stars fail to shine and the moon refuses to light up the world, I know I have nothing to fear. I have my guardian angel to look after me, care for me and love me forever and always. I love you!

Song: Love Me More - Sam Smith

LOVE LETTER FROM YOUR SPOUSE

Cards: Dear, Always by your side, I want to start a family with you, I am open to compromise, I have an offer for you, I am lost without you, It was always you, My nerves have been getting the best of me, Yeah nah, We have known each other in other lifetimes, I left because you told me to, I was in denial, You have so many choices and options, Make space for it, dance with me make me sway, I like it like that, destined, you cam to me at a time when my heart was selective, I'm a slave for your love, You don't own me, I don't wanna play no games, New beginnings, Feminine moon, Childhood, Wealth, Support, Ego death, Tower moment, Crush, Evil eyes

Hello, Pile 01, and welcome to your reading. How are you spending this Valentine's Day? Your spouse has a message for you, enjoy!

Dear Pile 01,

To us, distance is nothing. You’re right here in my heart, and I love you more than ever. It's impossible to put into words how much I love you or to describe how you make me feel, but that doesn't stop me from trying. You are my home, the person I trust with everything. There is no one else I would rather start a family with. It could just be you and me, or mini versions of us as well. I am more than willing to compromise with you because, at the end of the day, you are all I need and want. And I am not embarrassed to say that I need you, because I do. You, to me, are a want that turned into a need. There is no going back after knowing you. I can't possibly deny myself the magic that is loving you, so I have an offer for you, and that is my love, my devotion, and my forever. It could all be yours; you just have to say the word. I am lost without you, and there is just no one else who could even compare. It has always been you. You. You. You. Lately, my nerves have been getting the best of me. Could you tell? Did you feel my anxiety? I hope not. But if you did, I find solace in our connection. Your energy feels like home. It's like history has threaded us together and made us one. I know you. And I have known you for lifetimes. I apologize for having left you. It wasn't easy, but I respected your wishes. Honestly, I was just so afraid of your rejection that I cowardly believed you when you said I should go. I was in denial. It's intimidating to see how many people see what I see in you. How many other people are willing to risk it all for you! I can't claim to not understand, though, because here I am doing the same. Your light and your energy are just impossible to ignore and unsee. But I am working on myself. I am actively making space for you and us.

There is just no one who does it like you do. Your energy and your eyes compel me to do things I had never considered before. You are the only person—no, angel—that can ever make me sway. For you, I'll second-guess everything. For you, I'll leave everything. And I like it like that. I wouldn't change it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You have so much power over me, but I trust you. You could do anything you wanted and ask for the world, and I would give it to you. But I know that, despite everything, you will never hurt me. No, you would never take advantage of me. With you, I am safe. And with me, you are safe. We are destined, my love. There is no way around us. When we met, I was selective with the people in my life, but you just made your way into my world effortlessly. Like it was nothing. Like there wasn't any wall built around my heart. It's as if you have always belonged. And you are right; you have. I am a slave to your love. But although I am bound to you, I am still free. There is nothing about you that makes sense, and simultaneously, you are the answer to every question I have. I want to be crystal clear with you. It's you. And I have no intention to play any games or make our journey any harder. You don't have to prove yourself to me. You are enough just the way you are and exactly as you come.

I want a new beginning for us. I dream of a fresh start with you. You are my counterpart, and we are connected in every realm possible. I feel you, always. I understand you, always. I feel honored to see every side of you, and I am so blessed to learn about the wonder of the world that is you. You are a person who is so rich and abundant and so full of life that I just can't stay away from you, ever. I want to help you and support you through everything. For you, I would take on the hardest challenges and the scariest obstacles out there. If it helps you, soothes you, or even puts a smile on your face, there is nothing that could stop me from jumping without being afraid of falling. I am there for you, always. I am around you every second of the day. Because, darling, I love you. I would die a thousand deaths for you. Whatever you need me to do or whatever you need me to be, just say the word. Nothing will ever tear us apart. I love you so much that even Cupid is jealous.

Always by your side, your future spouse.

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

PILE 02 ➕

CONFIRMATION

Signs and confirmation that this is your pile. This can be anything from your initials, astrological placements, significant messages or signs, places, songs, etc. Please use your discernment.

P, E, N, T, T, O, O, C, 11:40, message/dm, sirens

Quote: I want to drown with your lips, in the ocean of our kiss.

Song: Lemonade - Internet Money, Gunna, Don Toliver, NAV

LOVE LETTER FROM YOUR SPOUSE

Cards: My dream come true, With all my love, I respect you, Let me hold you, I am absolutely in love with you, I am coming trust, I am healing my broken heart, You light up my life, Love is not fair, I have been distracted, Yeah nah, We have known each other in other lifetimes, I am lost without you, I was always you, I talk about you a lot, You are too far away, If I follow you I could lose everything, We are from two different worlds, Clarity of mind, You make me want to do better and try harder, You like me mad you think it's funny, I hear your messages in songs, Baby would you ever want to be my girlfriend, You touch me like no other, Sexual energy, Who do you love, Follow me into the dark break up a piece of your heart, I'm facing my truth, Do you want me the way I want you, Masculine Sun, Trust, Helplessness, Clash, Unwanted change, True love, Power, Child:wounded, Trauma, Confession

Hello, Pile 02, and welcome to your reading. How are you spending this Valentine's Day? Your spouse has a message for you, enjoy!

My dream come true,

I want to get drunk in your skin, as it glistens drops of love, pouring from our sin. You are the essence of life for me. I respect you. Your thoughts, your ideas, your words, your willpower, and your intelligence. All of you! I am yearning for you; please, just let me hold you. I am absolutely and irrevocably in love with you. Darling, soon. Soon I'll be able to hold you, touch you, and breathe in your scent. I am coming; trust me. There is nothing that would ever be strong enough to keep me away from you. I am healing myself so I can be there for you wholeheartedly. My heart was broken before, but for you, I'll risk another heartbreak. For you, I'll even risk my life. Because you, my dearest of all, light up my life, my entire world, even. Although love might not be fair, when it comes to you, I'll give up everything without asking for anything in return. Lately, I have been all over the place and distracted, and I apologize. Although that is true, and although I am healing and hurting; my mind, my heart, and my energy, all of me still can't stay away from you. We have known each other for lifetimes. You are no secret to me, and I am no secret to you. Without you, I am lost. You are my guiding light, and you are the sole reason why I am finding my way back to myself. You are my only motivation and my only inspiration. It was always you, my love. There is no confusion here. No matter our pasts, it all eventually leads to us. That is the only logical conclusion. The only thing that makes sense. You and me. I talk about you often, you know. I tell everyone and everything about the wonder that is you. But you are still so far away from me. Following you could cost me everything I have. You and I are from two different worlds. Worlds that are not compatible. And although it's everything I have known thus far, I will abandon it instantly. I will sacrifice everything so I can be with you. Because you clearly do not understand that everything I have had is just a fraction of everything that you are. I am not losing. With you, I am only winning. So no, I am not sad about it. And no, I will never regret it. This is something that I will never question, and believe me, I'll make the same choice over and over again. With you, there is no confusion, no doubt, just clarity. Wherever you are is my home.

You make me want to do better. You inspire me to grow, to change, and to open myself up and be vulnerable. I am an intimidating person, but to you, that means nothing. You just laugh when I get mad because you think it's funny. And because you trust me. My god, your trust is just as sweet as honey. It's worth all the gold in the world. It's worth all that I have. We are connected, always. Even if I am not in your life right now, I can still hear your messages. You are in everything that surrounds me, but especially in the songs I hear. You are in the lyrics that capture my attention and in the melodies that move me to tears. It was never hard for you to reach my heart, because for you, there are no barriers. With you, I am open and vulnerable. Would you ever consider being with me? It's a silly question, right? But will you be my Valentine? forever? Until we both lose our breath and beyond that? Everything pulls me toward you. Like a magnet, I always find myself around you, touching you, kissing you, and pleasing you. No one heats me like you do. One simple touch and I am a puddle, water bending at your command. I have never experienced such an attraction before. I am a composed person, hardly shakable. But it takes one single look—the tiniest microexpression—and I am ready to go. I am ready to worship. Who do you love? Is it me? Will you choose to spend the rest of your life by my side? I am aware of other energies. And I have to admit that it startles me. It scares me. The slightest possibility of losing you instills fear within me that rattles my bones. Nothing, absolutely nothing, in existence puts me in as much fear as the idea, the tiniest thought, of losing you. Are you as deeply in love as I am? I want you to be. I want to touch your heart as much as you touch mine. I want to make your body ache for me as much as my body aches for you. Let's get entangled in our passion and stay here forever. I want—no, I need your love. Do you want me the way that I want you? When you are in love, in true, deep love, there is no way around facing yourself. And I am facing my truth right now, so I can be the best version of myself. You don't deserve any less than that.

I want to be strong for you. I want you to be able to rely on me. I want to provide for you. Your trust—it's the only thing I need in this life. No, your love. It's my life elixir. I am helpless without you. We're just like fire melting into ice, and I love the way that we collide. I'm pitch black, drowning’ in your light, and you are the only one who can put me in my place. You are the only person who can set my whole world on fire. My equal. And I would not have it any other way. I know that our paths to each other lead through loss and tears. You have to let go of something to be with me, just as I have to let go of everything to be with you. It's a change that neither of us asked for, but if it leads us to each other, if it leads us to true love, isn't it worth it? You are so breathtakingly powerful. A force to be reckoned with. The entire world trembles to see your beauty, your power, and your intelligence. You are the only person I trust, the only person who will ever know me for everything that I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It's all yours. There is no point in hiding it; you see through me so effortlessly.

With all my love, Your future spouse

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

PILE 03 ➕

CONFIRMATION

Signs and confirmation that this is your pile. This can be anything from your initials, astrological placements, significant messages or signs, places, songs, etc. Please use your discernment.

S, U, R, E, B, E, U, I, blank, 11:47, sirens

Quote: I want to make love with my tongue, and whisper kisses, through your mind, until your body comes, undone- Body language.

Song: LAW - Yoon Mirae, BIBI

LOVE LETTER FROM YOUR SPOUSE

Cards: My cherished, Devotionally yours, I don't think I ever truly knew you, I left because you told me to, I hold back because I don't want to be rejected, Other opinions have clouded my vision, I don't want to lose you, Definitely, My surroundings don't approve, I need more time, I was a fool, We are too different, I'm ready, I think we should slow down, It's ok to feel feelings, I hope we can love through the pain after the honeymoon fades, I wanna marry those eyes, Sexual energy, I don't understand, You don't own me, Baby would you ever want to be my girlfriend, don't be scared I ain't afraid, Love making, Judgement, Surprise, Withdrawal, Tower Moment, Support, Privilege

Hello, Pile 03, and welcome to your reading. How are you spending this Valentine's Day? Your spouse has a message for you, enjoy!

My cherished Pile 03,

If there is a parallel universe, I will fight through the stars to find you. Darling, I don't think I ever truly knew you. I don't think I will ever truly know you. You are the entire cosmos, ever-changing, and it will take lifetimes, if not forever, to discover everything that makes you you. I am sorry that I left. I turned away from you and us because you told me to. And I hold back because I don't want to be rejected. Losing you once has nearly broken me; I don't think I'd be able to survive another time. There is so much noise around us. There are so many opinions and so many views that have clouded my vision. I am confused. I don't want to lose you. ever. I exist, so I can live on a planet graced by your presence. Just knowing that you are alive and well keeps me going, and it makes life worth living. Your presence humbles me to the point where just breathing the same air as you feels like a blessing. There are people in my life who are jealous of our connection. People who do not approve of us being together. I need more time to sort out all the thoughts in my head. So many doubts have been planted in my mind that I need space to clear out the clutter that clouds my vision. I was a fool. Such a fool! I regret hurting you. I loathe that I was the cause of your hurt, the cause of your tears. We are so different, yet we get along so well. I am ready for you, darling, but I think we need to take things slow. Rushing into it will only hurt us. It's okay to feel your feelings. Love, true love, evokes so many emotions in us. It makes us feel deeply, and it makes us hurt deeply too.

I hope that we can love through the pain, even if our honeymoon fades, even once you take off your rose-colored glasses. Your eyes. Oh my god, your eyes. I want to marry them. You bring me to my knees with your gaze. I have never met a person before who had me in a chokehold like you. I don't understand it, and it confuses me. When you look at me with your beautiful and hypnotizing eyes, I'll say yes to anything. Whatever you want, it's yours. You don't own me, not yet. I am not yours, and you are not mine. But would you be my forever person? Would you marry me? I know it feels like a big commitment, one that might scare you. But it doesn't scare me; it never will, because I trust you. I yearn for you deeply and passionately. I imagine us making love. I imagine you, naked, looking into my eyes and screaming my name. Don't judge me, please. I just can't help it. The pull you have on me is just as surprising for me as it is for you. I might be withdrawing right now, but it's because I need to collect my power and my energy, so I am ready for the change that is you. For the new beginning and world that you promise. I want you; I crave you. It's primal. I want to support you, I want to be strong for you, and I want to earn the privilege that is your love.

Devotionally yours, Your future spouse.

Your reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you so much for supporting my work!

825 notes · View notes

ladyshinga · 1 year ago

Text

I keep being told to "adapt" to this new AI world.

Okay.

Well first of all, I've been training myself more and more how to spot fake images. I've been reading every article with a more critical eye to see if it's full of ChatGPT's nonsense. I've been ignoring half the comments on stuff just assuming it's now mostly bots trying to make people angry enough to comment.

When it comes to the news and social issues, I've started to focus on and look for specific journalists and essayists whose work I trust. I've been working on getting better at double-checking and verifying things.

I have been working on the biggest part, and this one is a hurdle: PEOPLE. People whose names and faces I actually know. TALKING to people. Being USED to talking to people. Actual conversations with give and take that a chat bot can't emulate even if their creators insist they can.

All of this combined is helping me survive an AI-poisoned internet, because here's what's been on my mind:

What if the internet was this poisoned in 2020?

Would we have protested after George Floyd?

A HUGE number of people followed updates about it via places like Twitter and Tiktok. Twitter is now a bot-hell filled with nazis and owned by a petulant anti-facts weirdo, and Tiktok is embracing AI so hard that it gave up music so that its users can create deepfakes of each other.

Would information have traveled as well as it did? Now?

The answer is no. Half the people would have called the video of Floyd's death a deepfake, AI versions of it would be everywhere to sew doubt about the original, bots would be pushing hard for people to do nothing about it, half the articles written about it would be useless ChatGPT garbage, and the protests themselves… might just NOT have happened. Or at least, they'd be smaller - AND more dangerous when it comes to showing your face in a photo or video - because NOW what can people DO with that photo and video? The things I mentioned earlier will help going forward. Discernment. Studying how the images look, how the fake audio sounds, how the articles often talk in circles and litter in contradictory misinformation. and PEOPLE.

PEOPLE is the biggest one here, because if another 2020-level event happens where we want to be protesting on the streets by the thousands, our ONLY recourse right now is to actually connect with people. Carefully of course, it's still a protest, don't use Discord or something, they'll turn your chats over to cops.

But what USED to theoretically be "simple" when it came to leftist organizing ("well my tweet about it went viral, I helped!") is just going to require more WORK now, and actual personal communication and connection and community. I know if you're reading this and you're American, you barely know what that feels like and I get it. We're deprived of it very much on purpose, but the internet is becoming more and more hostile to humanity itself. When it comes to connecting to other humans… we now have to REALLY connect to other humans

I'm sorry. This all sucks. But adapting usually does.

485 notes · View notes

kefiteria · 11 months ago

Text

Moonlight Echoes

character: scaramouche x reader

tags: fluff, established relationship, stargazing

summary: stargazing with scara + heart to heart conversation🩵 + reassuring scara

Scaramouche let out an exaggerated sigh, his snark practically dripping from every word. “Don't move too much now, or you'll fall, and trust me, I won't catch you if you did fall.” he remarked, his tone laced with sarcasm as he balanced precariously on the branch with you.

Rolling your eyes at his typical attitude, you couldn't help but marvel at the view. The rainforest stretched out beneath you, a vast expanse of greenery illuminated by the moonlight. “It's so tall, and I can see the whole rainforest here! WOAH LOOK, THE MOON IS SO BIG TOO, reminds me of a rice cracker!” you exclaimed, excitement evident in your voice as you pointed out the celestial sights.

Scaramouche sighed again and wrapped his arms around your waist, out of affection. “What a hassle. Such noise would attract many hidden preying eyes.” he grumbled, his snark cutting through the night air like a sharpened dagger.

“Like monkeys?” you teased, earning an exasperated eye roll from Scaramouche.

“Yes, monkeys. Just like you.” he retorted, his snide remark punctuated by a heavy sigh.

But your enthusiasm was undeterred as you pointed out the constellation Orion. “Look at Orion, isn't it incredible? It's like a celestial warrior, standing proud at the night sky. Maybe the monkeys will not be here because of Orion protecting us both!” you exclaimed, hopeful despite Scars's cynicism.

“I hate to break it to you, but Orion doesn't exactly have a good reputation in Greek mythology. So, don't even bother looking up at that constellation.” Scaramouche interjected, his snark evident in every syllable.

Undeterred, you suggested creating your own constellation. “Perhaps we should just connect the stars and make our own constellations then?” you proposed, pointing to the sky with enthusiasm.

“And what would it be?” Scaramouche asked, raising an eyebrow in mild interest.

“Probably chicken mushroom skewers or Mondstadt Grilled Fish shaped?” you grinned mischievously, earning another eye roll from your partner.

“I should've expected that coming from that brain of yours.” Scaramouche muttered, his snark reaching new heights.

You turned the question back on him with a curious look. “What about you? If you could make a new constellation, what would it be?”

After a moment of contemplation, Scaramouche replied, “Probably the tiniest star. I'll pick it and make it as the sole constellation.”

Confused by his choice, you pressed for more explanation. “Huh? I don't get it. How can one single star be a constellation?”

Scaramouche sighed, realizing he couldn't escape your relentless curiosity. “Constellations are patterns of stars that are named and recognized as distinct groupings by people. They're often based on mythological figures, animals, or objects. So, if I want it to be a constellation, then it shall be.” he explained, reluctantly delving into the topic.

“Yeah, but you still haven't explained why you chose a single tiny star to be your choice of constellation.” you pointed out, looking at him expectantly.

Knowing he couldn't avoid the question any longer, Scaramouche begrudgingly elaborated, “Everyone wants the brightest star to be their guiding star. Everyone wants to create a memorable constellation for future generations to look up to. I want something that only belongs to myself, so I'll choose a tiny star and elaborate it in my own eyes.” His words dripped with his trademark snark, leaving you with a mix of amusement and exasperation.

“And how would it be?” you asked as you tilted your head.

Scaramouche smirked, his snarky demeanor returning full force. “Oh, it would be magnificent, of course.” he replied, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “A constellation so small and insignificant that only the most discerning eyes could even notice it. But to those who do, it would symbolize independence, resilience, and a refusal to conform to the expectations of others.”

You couldn't help but chuckle at his dramatic description. “So, basically, it would be the epitome of your personality?” you teased, earning a playful glare from Scaramouche.

“Exactly.” he said with a smirk, his snark momentarily replaced by a hint of pride. “After all, why settle for blending in when you can stand out in your own unique way?”

You nodded, impressed by his answer. “I guess everyone sees the stars differently, similar to how everyone sees you differently.” you remarked, reflecting on the conversation.

Scaramouche grinned, his snark softened by a rare moment of genuine warmth. “Well, aren't you full of surprises?” he quipped, before quickly adding, “but don't let it go to your head.”

As you glanced up at the night sky, Scaramouche's eyes followed yours, lingering on the stars above. For a brief moment, there was a flicker of something in his expression, as if hinting that maybe, just maybe, you could be a constellation in his own private sky. But before you could dwell on the thought, his trademark smirk returned, and he brushed off the moment with a casual remark, leaving you to wonder if you had imagined it all.

Slowly, his fingers intertwined with yours, his gaze remained fixed on the celestial canvas above, as if drawing strength from the vastness of the universe. “I wanted to be your tomorrow so I lived today, the past and future.” he murmured, his voice soft yet filled with a profound sincerity that touched your heart.

“I'm happy… truly.” you replied, returning his warm smile as you too turned your gaze upward, feeling a sense of connection to something greater than yourselves.

“Ever since the first day I saw you until now, in my heart, it’s only you. Every time I look up at the night sky, it reminds me of you. Anything around me makes me want to treasure you.” Scaramouche confessed, his words carrying a weight of affection that resonated deeply within you.

Scaramouche's tender touch sent a shiver down your spine, his fingers tracing delicate patterns across your skin as he leaned in closer, his breath warms against your cheek. In that intimate moment, his words hung in the air, heavy with emotion and vulnerability.

“But such words are commonly uttered, I want to say something new too… something that you've never heard…” he whispered, his voice soft yet filled with an intensity that left you breathless.

With a gentle smile, you reached up to cup his cheek, your fingers brushing against the stubble on his jawline. “That's alright though, I love and accept any affection you want to give me in any way, shape, and form.” you reassured him, your voice barely above a whisper as you gazed into his eyes, reflecting the depth of your feelings.

“Because they’re such common words, I was worried they wouldn’t sound sincere… please… reassure me,” he choked out, his grip tightening slightly.

Feeling Scaramouche's vulnerability in the trembling of his touch, you gently caressed his cheek, your thumb soothing the tension that lingered there.

“Scaramouche,” you whispered, your voice soft yet steady, “every word you speak carries the weight of your sincerity. And currently, as you bare your heart to me, I feel the depth of your emotions echoing in every syllable.”

Leaning in closer, you pressed a tender kiss to his forehead, a gesture of reassurance and understanding. “Your love is not measured by the novelty of your words, but by the authenticity of your intentions.” you murmured, your breath mingling with his in the space between you. “And in my heart, your affection will always ring true, no matter how familiar the words may be.”

Sensing the tension ease from his frame, you wrapped your arms around him, holding him close as if to shield him from the doubts that plagued his mind. “So, let go of your worries, my dear.” you whispered, your voice a soothing melody in the silence of the night. “For in my arms, you will always find the reassurance you seek, and in my love, you will always find solace.”

Scaramouche's lips brushed against your knuckles, a tender gesture of affection, his words resonated in the quiet of the night. “You taught me how to love in this world that failed me.” he confessed, his voice carrying a depth of gratitude that touched your soul.

“Thank you, my love.” he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity and warmth. With a soft smile, he gently tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his touch gentle yet profound. Beneath the shimmering moonlight and the canopy of stars, his lips pressed against your forehead in a gentle kiss, a silent expression of gratitude and love.

#kefimenu #scara x reader #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x y/n #wanderer x reader #wanderer x y/n #wanderer x you #genshin fanfic #genshin imagines #fluff #genshin oneshots #genshin x reader #genshin impact #Spotify

142 notes · View notes

drdemonprince · 7 months ago

Note

hey, so this is super random and I’m not sure if you have thought about this but figured I’d ask: (came to my mind after reading your story in *unmasking* about intervening in street harassment)

I’m audhd and it really affects my sensory processing, social/ situational awareness etc since it’s hard for me to discern which stimuli are important in any given situation. I’m also realizing that I never really feel unsafe as a single woman in a dense city environment, even when my friends feel unsafe. Makes it hard to trust my own intuition about that kinda stuff since everyone I know apart from myself has that experience.

Question is, do you happen to have any info/ best practices about situational awareness and judging the danger of potentially sketchy situations? Walking around the city at night, creepy rural gas station, online hookup, greyhound bus alone etc.

Everything online says “trust your intuition” but my intuition always says “ehh it’ll be fine” lol.

The truth is, it usually WILL be fine. Most people's *~magical crime and danger intuition~* is a combination of true crime slop, inaccurate media coverage of the crime rate inflating their anxieties, and classism and racism. The vast majority of crimes are not committed by random strangers lurking in the dark, but between individuals who know one another and in circumstances that are at least somewhat explicable, and so you do not need magic empath powers to determine if you will be safe somewhere or not.

The way you keep relatively safe is by informing yourself of the facts, not the hype -- look up the actual crime statistics for your area, for example, though be highly skeptical of them. These figures are collected by the police state and we cannot trust them to define what safety or unsafety even IS, as they are the source of the danger for the majority of us. What they classify as crime and where they bother to enforce crime is highly skewed, and itself can create massive misapprehensions. So make sure to also speak with people in the communities you are visiting about what happens to them and the general vibe. Also spend a lot of time out in your community yourself, observing things, talking to people, hanging out, maybe volunteering, and learning the lay of the land. You'll have more people around to help you if you ever need it, and you'll find more occasions where your help is needed, too!

Follow some basic, common sense advice to avoid making oneself especially vulnerable, but don't over-isolate yourself. Things like keeping one earbud out of your ear when walking home alone at night and not keeping a purse open on the train are always sensible maneuvers; carrying pepper spray or a gun that will more likely be used to harm you is not. Learn how to de-escalate people if you don't already know -- acting calm, making your posture non-threatening but confident, moving slowly and predictably, avoiding provocative eye contact, changing the subject of conversation, engaging a victim of harassment and pretending to know them in order to drag them away from a bad situation, etc. These things will be helpful to you if a situation arises, and the more prepared you feel, the less anxious you ever have to be.

Honestly, moving through the world with a "this feels fine / seems fine" energy is ITSELF massively protective. I have ALWAYS walked around alone at night, even when I was a small 18 year old "girl," including in areas where the majority of women of my then-demographic would have not felt "safe" going out on their own. By and large, I was completely fine. People really don't want to mess with you if you seem like you have a handle on your shit and are not afraid of them.

The worst that ever happened to me was a guy grabbing my tit -- in broad daylight on a sunday on a train packed full of people. It really couldn't have been avoided. And a guy flashing me -- again in midday in a family oriented neighborhood many would deem safe. I survived these things, and I defended myself by getting aggressive with the guys who did them, and physically attacking them, which scared them off. I'm glad I did what I did, and I'm glad I wasn't so intimidated by the possibility of scary stranger danger that I kept myself sequestered away.

The few other times anyone made me uncomfortable, it was things like leering comments or walking alongside me for a block, hitting on me (sometimes, yes, late at night), but because I was able to be assertive, unbothered, and stand my ground, the guys always gave up or were scared off (by me). And this reaction from me is one I largely credit to having no instinctual "stranger danger" crime intuition of the sort most white women are conditioned to have.

In short, I think your instincts might be more accurate to reality than your friends' are. It's good to look around and pay attention to things, to learn to recognize patterns, to study one's area, to speak to people in your community and know what's going on, and to prepare oneself for hard situations, which WILL happen to you sometimes no matter what you do. but the world is rarely as scary as it's made out to be.

80 notes · View notes

canthelpit0 · 11 months ago

Text

American

Pairing: matt x poc!reader

Wordcount: 2.2K +

Summary: reader is a third culture kid. Her parents are immigrants, and she hates it. She wants to be everything she is not.

Warnings: angst, crying, hating your own culture, racism, internalized racism, middle eastern!reader, reader discerned as average, established relationship, pet names, hurt/comfort, no use of y/n, no oc; reader described to have curly hair, brown eyes and hair.

(A/N: not me reflecting lmao. asks and req are open <3 feedback is appreciated! Ps: I am Türkisch, and this isn’t meant to be racist, it’s just thoughts about myself that I used to have portrayed by y/n. This is for awareness abt internalized racism)

I hate my culture. I hate my frizzy hair, I hate the fact that my eyes are a plain brown. I hate the fact that I’m not white. I hate that when someone asks me where I’m from and I say America, they go “no where are you actually from?”. I hate my brain. I hate the way I think. I hate the way I wish I was someone else. I hate myself, and I hate the way I hate myself.

I was never considerably pretty. Well not really. Sure the facial harmony, the potential is there. But I’m just not good enough.

I wish my hair was straight.

I hate the way I hate my own culture. I really do. But I literally can’t fit into the American beauty Standards , but I can’t fit into the middle eastern ones either.

My home country is America. I was born and raised here. But both of my parents are immigrants from turkey. -Wich means we’re not very wealthy.

I hate it when people ask me where I’m from because I look ‘exotic’.

I wouldn’t consider turkey my home country. I hate it there. And I don’t know if it’s just my internalized hatred or whatever, but I do.

Even in the country itself I’m not considered Turkish enough. In the US I’m not American enough…

I’m never enough.

Not to my parents, not to my siblings, not to my boyfriend. Not to myself. I’m not good enough.

we go to turkey for vacation every year and I’m sick of it.

I speak the language enough to communicate. I hate half the food because I’m a picky eater. It hurts even more because I’m not even considered properly Turkish.

I hate the way all my cousins, except for one, live In turkey. I hate the way they’re so close to each other. And despite being in the cousins group chat, they’ll always send in pictures of them all together. Pictures that I’ll never be in, simply because I’m halfway across the world.

Years ago, whenever we visited, it didn’t matter, the fact that I live so far away, but now they were judgy.

Besides I don’t trust anything there. Sure the stuff there is cheaper, but you could literally put me in an official Nike store and I would still tell you the shoes are fake, even tho they obviously aren’t.

I did an internship at a disposition and shipping company. I know that those shoes come from the same warehouse. I just don’t trust anything Turkish.

Growing up with so many myths that my parents taught me to live by, until I realized it’s just a bunch of bullshit, made me believe that nothing purchased in turkey is of any quality.

And it’s not even to hate on the nation or anything, it’s probably my own fault.

I hate the way all the other middle easternerns are so confident in where they’re from, flexing the fact that they naturally know more languages than Americans.

But I just wish I was one of those stupid Americans. Oblivious to the rest of the world and all the flaws in human nature. I wish I was a skinny white woman born into an upper middle class American family.

But instead I have to be what I am.

I hate it when I hear people talk in my ‘native’ language. Even tho that’s the only language we speak at home.

Sometimes I feel great knowing that I have culture and just naturally great genetics, and potential and resources to be better than those stuck in a village in my ‘home’ town.

But then it dawns on me that I’m not American, even if I was born and raised here it’s not my home country. And as much as I feel like it should be and is, it’s not.

It dawns on me that I’m not white. I’m not one of them. And I never will be.

And that makes me question why Matt is even dating me.

There is so much internal self hatred and racism going on in me, yet still he chose me over those white girls.

And I don’t get it.

Every time I look at myself in the mirror I sigh. Let’s ignore the fact that I’m not white like that and will never be. Even being middle eastern, or whatever the hell turks are considered, I don’t look like that either.

I fit literally nowhere. Sure I have dark brown hair and brown eyes, I look pretty average. But I still don’t look Turkish, I don’t have that straight hair or painfully skinny body.

I let out a heavy sigh without even noticing. These thoughts were getting loud again.

I hate how strict and conservative my parents are. I hate the painful lack of empathy they show, because I always have to be perfect, when I’m oh so confused of what type of perfect.

I don’t know if they want me to be a cheerleader and prom queen and top of my class like they never could. Or if they want me to be conservative or something.

Probably the latter, but-

“What are you thinking about?” Matt’s voice suddenly snaps me out of my daze. We literally had laid down to sleep and all I could do is pity myself.

I feel a lump in my throat and only now realize how i feel like I’m going to break into sobs.

Matt must’ve heard my uneven, shaky breaths.

Matt was spooning me, his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me close to him. He rubs my sides gently, tracing shapes on my skin.

I sigh in response. I feel like I haven’t used my voice in so long. I feel like if I speak now, I’ll break into sobs.

“Baby?” He whispers softly. I feel him pull away slightly until he turns me around to face him.

“Talk to me sweetheart.”

Matt is such a kind soul. I literally didn’t tell my parents we were dating until we were already dating for 7 months, just because I was that scared. I wasn’t allowed to date or do anything intimate. As if it wasn’t normal for a teenager to want to.

“Why do you like me Matt?” I blurt out before I can think.

“First off, I don’t like you, I love you. And second where is this coming from?” He asks sweetly his eyes having a tinge of concern to them. He looks so sweet and caring.

“Why tho?” I inquire. My voice low. I know my eyes are glassy, I’m quite literally holding back tears.

Matt licks his lips and sits up. He turns the bedside table lamp on. The dim yellow light aluminates the room slightly, just enough so that I can see his prominent features even better.

“What do you mean?” He asks again now sitting up fully. He has his legs Chris-cross, looking down at me while I still lay on my side.

I sigh trying to gather my thoughts. I purse my lips lying back on my back. I stare at the ceiling for a moment.

“Why do you love me?” I purse my lips. I blink furiously trying to hold back tears.

The way he looks at me is sweet and caring. I sit up just like him. Both of us now sitting across each other, Chris-cross.

Matt and I have been together for a long while, so he knows me. But I never openly talked about it.

“I love you because you’re kind, and caring. I love you because you could talk for hours about things you are passionate about. I love your voice, I love your face, I love the way you’re so delicate with everything. I love the way you touch me. I love you because even when we were just friends you were so kind to me and everyone around. I love you because you’re you.”

By the end of his rant I was crying. Tears streaming down my face while i try to hold in gut wrenching sobs.

Matt’s eyes soften even further. He shifts again so his back is against the head-bored. He grabs me gently and sets me down on his lap facing him.

I cry. Feeling vulnerable I burry my face in the side of his neck. I try not to sob too loud, but I can’t hold it in. With my sobs my body shakes as I try to breathe through it.

“Shh you’re okay baby.” He comforts, gently rubbing circles into my back.

I let out shaky breaths and sobs as I try to calm down. I feel like I’m overreacting. Sure I feel shitty about myself, but then again I can’t do anything to change who I am, so what’s the point in crying about it.

I don’t know for how long I cry, I just know that after a while I couldn’t anymore. I cried so much I ran out of tears.

“You want to talk about it?” Matt asks softly under his breath.

I let out a shaky sigh and shift slightly. I look him in the eyes for a second before letting my head fall forward closing my eyes. I know my eyes are probably red and puffy.

“I just..” I trail off, thinking of a way to describe this to Matt.

“I hate being an immigrant’s daughter..” I say slowly trying to figure out a way to understandably say this without sounding crazy or overly sensitive.

I feel Matt’s hand ghost over my cheek caressing my face gently. He picks up my head slowly so I’m looking at him. My eyes meet his as I try not to cry anymore.

“Talk to me, honey.” He says oh so sweetly.

“I just wish I was American.” I sob. Without even realizing tears were rolling down my face again.

Matt doesn’t say anything waiting for me to continue. He wipes away my tears gently, his eyes full of concern.

“I hate myself and everything I stand for.” I breathe out under my breath as if I’m terrified by that fact. And I am. I hate that I hate myself.

“Baby..” Matt whispers softly. He looks at me like I am everything. He looks at me like I’m the only thing that matters and me saying that I hate myself tears him apart.

“I don’t have a culture. I mean I do, but I’m a third culture kid, I’m not enough for either culture.” I sob. I can physically feel my bottom lip trembling.

“Baby, I love you for you.” Matt says again softly. He wipes away my tears.

“But I hate myself Matt. I hate the fact that I exist.” I breathe out. I close my eyes tightly, because after all, I could barely see anything through my tears anyway.

Matt, being the empath he is, was on the verge of crying too.

No American ever pronounces my name right, but the actual right way just sounds wrong at this point.

I will never find my name on those keychains. And while today, I don’t care about it, back when I was younger and everyone had those, I just couldn’t find one.

“Don’t say that” Matt breaths out. He was still actively wiping away my tears while trying not to cry himself.

“You don’t get it Matt. I’m the problem.” I breathe out harshly. “I feel like I always act like such a brat about it. But my parents had dreams too.” I breathe out.

I see a tear roll down Matt’s cheek and it feels like a slap across my face. I feel my stomach drop. I hurriedly put my hands on his face wiping away the tear while crying myself. Matt’s hands go to my waist holding me.

“Don’t say that.” He breathes out. “You’re allowed to feel things.”

Another wave of sadness washes over me. But before I can break out into sobs again he pulls me into him.

Matt cradles my head into his chest hugging me tightly. I feel safe in his arms. I know Matt loves me for me, but sometimes it still felt like a cruel joke.

Like when I was asked out in middle school as a joke. But we’ve been dating for almost a year now.

“I love your hair, I love your eyes, I love your face, I love your culture, I love your humor. I love you.” Matt assures me. He rubs my scalp gently as I continues to let out small sobs that shake my body.

“I love everything about you. I love you the way you are, and you know that.” He uses his other hand to rub my back comfortingly.

I continue to cry in his arms listening to the sweet nothings and the praises Matt whispers to me.

It hurts knowing I hurt him. And I really want to believe him, and I do. But I don’t agree.

After a while of crying I calm down again.

This is a topic I’ll never be able to talk about without crying. It’s a deep rooted pain.

Being how I am, I hate it.

After a while we move back to a laying down position. “We’ll talk about this later.” Matt assures firmly yet he was still looking at me kindly.

I simply nod. Matt turns the bedside lamp off. He pulls me closer to him. He cradles my head to his chest and I hug him back. I cling to him like my life depends on it.

I know it’s not going to be easy, but it’s exhausting to hate myself this much. I wish I didn’t. I really do.

Masterlist

A/N: All of us third culture kids have probably at some point have experienced some type of internalized racism. I wrote this in a fit of sadness after realising that my dreams are just dreams. I cried so many times while writing this. I hope you guys liked it 💕

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturniooolos , @ecliphttlunar , @orangeypepsi , @klaus223492 , @char112244 , @sst7niolo , @slut4chriss , @mattsturniololoverr , @th3-3d3n-g4rd3n , @st7rnioioss , @t1llysblogs , @nonat-111 , @blahbel668 , @rockstarchr1s , @sturnsintrouble , @nayveetbhh , @tillies33ssss , @sturncakez , @strnilo , @somegirlfromasgard , @mattslovelygf , @sturnsmaeve , @sturnstvr , @lucianastrun , @jnkvivi , @jamiesturniolo

108 notes · View notes

txttletale · 1 year ago

Note

Overly long disclaimer incoming: This is not anon hate. This is not an argument. This is not accusation. This is not agreement with anyone directly involved. Any feelings of hostility that may be gleaned from this ask are most likely because I struggle with maintaining a professional tone. Because this is not intended to be read as hostile.

This is solely intended as a statement of facts regarding who said what, mixed with light speculation on their intent. It is being sent because I feel that misinterpretation has occurred, and I firmly believe that one should always be as informed as possible on situations they are directly involved in. I hope this ask can make a positive difference.

Okay. Disclaimer over. Sorry it was so long.

I do not think roadhogsbigbelly accused you of being a pedophile yourself, and I don’t believe it was because of your stardew valley take.

I have seen several of his posts on this matter, and it seems he doesn’t like stardew valley (found it boring), his beef with your take was frankly minor and inconsequential, and it was intended to be separate from the larger critique he had of you. He made a few posts saying rather explicitly that they were separate issues, and I believe his initial post was a vagueblog that, on accident, conflated the two issues.

As for the main issue: if i recall correctly, you had reblogged a kink-positive post that turned out to have been made by an open zoophile (and also pedophile?). The zoophile in question is a clear danger to others, as they have a community of pedophiles and zoophiles that welcomes so-called “pro-contact” people.

This was where his accusations originated from, and this was what he focused on. He is concerned about how dangerous people like that are able to infiltrate into kink-positive spaces (is “infiltrate” the right word? I don’t know). His harshest critique of you seems to have been that you did not interrogate the intent of the person when you reblogged, and even that seems to have been mostly expressed in order to turn this into a learning moment for others. I don’t have precise wording (curse you tumblr mobile, for not letting me factcheck myself), but i believe he shared the sentiment that we all could stand to be a little more discerning?

- and I know he knows you have already responded to that criticism. For those unaware: txtlletale’s response was that she cannot be expected to vet the OP of every post on her dash, and that this criticism is thus unreasonable. His response to that response? … I forget, sorry. But I don’t think what you said was unreasonable. Again, my intent is to clear misunderstandings.

The point here is that, I don’t believe “accidentally reblogged a pedophile” and “is a pedophile” are the same statements, and roadhogsbigbelly had made the former statement. In short… I don’t think he was pedojacketing you. Whether he had unfairly judged you, and done so out of a transmisogynistic bias is, of course, a different question entirely. And if anyone else used his words to directly accuse you of pedophilia? Well, fuck em. Assholes.

I hope this makes sense. This ask is anonymous because I do not wish to become the focus of this issue. I am solely presenting information as I understand it. Feel free to fact check for yourself.

I think your anger is valid. These situations are infuriating, as is the culture of distrust that they bring. People on social media are, in general, far too swift to condemnation. You see it all the time, with pedojacketing, with qanon, with countless petty internet arguments. I try my best to reverse this tendency, at least with my own behavior. I don’t think you are a careless person, nor someone with a pattern of spurious accusations against people. I know you’re an intelligent and discerning blogger, which is why I trust you enough to send this ask. I hope I can have a positive impact.

have a good day, and take care of yourself.

(Considering sending an ask about this to him as well, so if you see a weird anon on his blog talking about misinformation hi its me)

i just don't agree with you--like, i don't say this aggressively either but this is just not an honest description of what he said. he called me, verbatim: "a tumblr user who markets incest and loliporn as an inherent part of queer sexuality". nothing in the screenshot mentioned "loliporn" -- nothing i have ever posted about in my fucking live mentions "loliporn" -- and for that matter, obviously, in none of my posts have i ever said that any kink, 'problematic' or not, is 'an inherent part of queer sexuality', and most fucking evilly of all, i don't 'market' these kinks.

like, think for two seconds about the implication of saying i, a trans woman, am "marketing loliporn". i think that goes beyond criticizing that i didn't vet my reblogs (which would obviously be insane in and of itself but i agree would not be pedojacketing). it's literal grooming/social contagion rhetoric. and again i can't emphasize enough he "just assumed" that "loliporn" was involved, despite it having no connection to anything i have ever posted! that + in his absolutely laughable double-down he says "99% of the people who make these sorts of posts are actual fucking pedophiles" as well as "pedophiles are agreeing with you! that’s not great!" which.

like wow that's crazy hey if 99% of people who make "those posts" (about "not being mean to sex freaks", or as i would phrase it, "criticizing the double standard leveraged to initiate mass sexual harassment campaigns against queer people but especially trans people for what they do privately and consensually with other adults" are "actual fucking pedophiles", what is that implying about me? can sherlock holmes get on this case with me?

idk i don't appreciate being told that "he never said 4" when he sure as hell was repeating "2+2" over and over again. & if his critique was 'intended to be separate' then why would he bring it up at all in his original post, multiple times, to clearly imply he doesn't think i should have 'takes' or 'opinions' on anything? regardless of what he did and didn't say about me i think it is pretty fucking clear that this:

is not 'seperate or unrelated'. i think it is really really difficult and requires totally unearned levels of good faith to read this as anything other than explicitly confirming that the point of this post is to use transmisogynistic rhetoric as a cudgel to shut up me up.

you can believe what you like but i know what i read and what was said about me and i will not be lied to.

#ask

210 notes · View notes

sgiandubh · 10 months ago

Text

Contemplating Bullshit

Quick, Fandom Police, screencap this and send it to CO. ASAP:

'Dear' CO (or should I say, eh... 'Glinda'? 🙄),

You wrote what amounts to a PhD thesis about one of my recent posts (https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/753845334988423168/they-watch-they-hate-then-they-copy?source=share). So long for your carefully curated 'I don't care about Those Tinhat Shippers' narrative, in the process: but hey, common sense never bothered you and your ilk, right?

You don't care, but you write. Abundantly. Prompted by a denunciation that should give your 'US progressive beliefs' pause. Between you and me, lady: our European shipper community cannot give a dead rat's ass about you systematically dragging the US politics current evolution in this TV series fandom, in an effort to-

a) brown nose the US more conservative, MAGA crowd (with which 'Erself seems to be resonating, but that is suddenly and conveniently of no social and political import to you, of course)

b) sound sophisticated towards what you think (wrongly) is a primitive, uneducated, politically unaware shipper fandom crowd.

Some of the shippers chose to go political, for their own reasons and if they are happy with it, so am I. I do happen to believe in freedom of speech and editorial choices. Many, such as myself, chose to never mix politics and mundane, private beliefs (such as all this fandom thing), just because we happen to think, in Europe, that mixing those two notions is extreme poor taste. With dramatic historical precedents to boot. So you see, I am not very sure what point are you trying to prove, spare that you somehow consider yourself superior to those who do not share your political views. Told you: so long for your progressiveness and I am sorry, but your are such a Cheap Demagogue, lady!

Then, you couldn't help yourself but tell a Big, Fat Glinda Lie:

I did not invent the Orc concept. Your running mate, BIF (the Poor Man's CO, btw) did - and proud of herself, too:

Discerning Orcs vs. Stupid Shippers, Circle of Trust vs. Rectangle of Reality. We know that song, that is so 2019. And sure, I did mention an Orc Army (five to ten blogs, the rest are parrots, unable to make the difference between 'pixilated' and 'pixelated', when talking about a blurry picture - pixie/pixel, btw). My understanding is that someone as genuinely intelligent (that, I grant you) as yourself was piqued by the irony. But you chose to be nasty. Fair enough. Your problem, not mine.

Have you moved on? It doesn't sound like you did. And yeah, you sound angry and bothered and barely keeping up a civilized demeanor, there.

I could go on and on and on, debunking everything you said, but I am merciful to my readers and I happen to think that sometimes being clear and concise is far more effective than being verbose. So, here is the deal, CO:

Take your condescending, US-centric world view and your intolerant nastiness and shove them right up your Glinda nose, ok?

As for me, I am firmly on the ship deck. You are not to tell me what I saw with my own eyes. Better stick to whatever you post on your political blog. You have a LOT of work to do there. Seriously.

PS: in the book, Glinda is the Good Witch from the South. Just pedantically sayin'.

#fandom #shitshow

55 notes · View notes

inthemindofaweirdo · 5 months ago

Text

Uncharted Waters- Caspian x Reader

Hi! First time posting one of my works on tumblr🥳 Rekindled the flame I feel for Ben Barnes and his characters, and here we are. Hope ya’ll enjoy!

Warnings: none

—————————————————————————————————————

The moon is high in the sky as I stand in the balcony of my bedroom in Cair Paravel. It’s been a month since my cousins, brother and I got washed away by a painting into Narnia. After my initial panic and distress at finding myself trapped in an unknown land, Caspian made the experience more amiable. We had grown rather close since the day I arrived. He took me to almost every corner of Narnia, shared his favorite books and songs with me, and showed me his favorite places to relax in the castle. But I still ached to go back home, to the comfort of my room, and the hot spray of a shower.

Caspian had assured me that Aslan, the rightful ruler of this land, could return us home, but he has yet to make an appearance. As I’m looking out at the ocean I hear the door to my chamber open, Caspian walking in.

“No sign of Aslan yet?” I question as I look at him.

“No.” He says with a soft smile as he walks over to me until he’s right beside me, resting his back against the railing.

I let out a soft sigh of disappointment, hanging my head before taking a breath and looking back up at the sky.

“It’s been a month.” I say quietly.

“I know.”

“I miss home.” I say, my voice slightly thick with emotion.

Caspian lets out a soft sigh, turning towards me.

“Do you not like it here?” He asks softly, his gaze boring into the side of my face before I turn my head to meet it. There’s an indiscernible emotion in his eyes, and it’s not mere curiosity.

“You know I do. But it’s not home.”

“Couldn’t it be?”

I stay quiet for a second, letting the meaning of his words settle within me. Couldn’t it be? It was almost a plead, to consider a life here in Narnia. To consider a life with him.

“I-“ I stop myself, my mind running in spirals as I try to organize my thoughts and feelings. In my silence Caspian walks closer, his hand resting against my upper arm before caressing it down to my hand, holding it in his.

“I have never met someone quite like you. This month has been the most amazing time of my life because of you. Do you not feel the same?” He asks as he looks into my eyes, and I can finally discern the emotion In them. Yearning.

“I feel the same. Trust that I do.” I say softly, my gaze locked on his, hand unconsciously squeezing his in reassurance.

“But?” He adds with a sad smile.

“You know I don’t belong here.” I say quietly.

“I digress. I think you fit in here just fine.” He says with full conviction, his hand squeezing mine this time.

“Caspian-“

“Stay.” He all but begs, his gaze piercing in its pleading, thumb caressing the back of my hand. I look at him with surprise, my mouth falling open, but words fail me, and so I close it again.

“Stay with me. You will eat the best meals, wear the finest clothes, attend the most lavish balls-“

“Caspian. Whether I stay or not won’t be swayed by any of that.” I say with a soft smile, endeared by his attempt to buy me into staying.

“Oh.” He says, his face slightly red in embarrassment. I take a deep breath, gathering the courage for what I will say next before exhaling.

“If I choose to stay, it’ll be for you.” I say with utmost earnest, looking deeply into his eyes. I notice how his breath hitches at my words, his hand that holds mine squeezing gently.

“And…am I reason enough for you?” He questions softly, his gaze locked on mine. At his question I take a step closer, my chest almost pressed to his, my face tilting up to him as my hand cradles his jaw.

“May I?” I ask quietly, eyes never straying from his.

“You may.” He replies, voice barely a whisper.

I gently tug his face down to me, my eyes closing as I press my lips tenderly against his, our lips slotting together. I let out a soft hum as we kiss for the first time, my whole body warming up at the sensation. I feel his hands wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to him as he deepens the kiss. It’s everything I hoped for and more, and my answer becomes as clear as the night sky above us. I pull away slightly, my lips almost resting on his.

“I’ll stay, Caspian.” I say softly.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to say that.” He whispers, joy evident in his voice before he pulls me into his embrace once again, his lips claiming mine in a passionate kiss that promised more.

#ben barnes #prince caspian #prince caspian x reader #king caspian #voyage of the dawn treader #x reader

41 notes · View notes

crazysodomite · 19 days ago

Text

Tonight I'm ruminating on the fact that I've never learned how to live internally instead of externally. What's funny is that I've always lived externally while simultaneously not actually having real connections with other people. I've spent most of my life just like. Passing time until I get to talk to people who don't care about me and actually contribute to me being a worse person and being worse. I've always wanted that meaningful connection with someone so instead of developing my own self and I guess being more independent I've just relied on trying to dedicate all of my time and self to other people. So I still haven't developed my own interests and opinions and my internal self is barren. Still I do this while actually straight up not having anyone to talk to do I spend my days wasting the hours away instead of developing and improving my self and my health. I feel lost when I'm left alone with my thoughts and experiences. When I do anything I need to seek external validation that it happened and that what i thought happened actually did. I can't trust myself to discern that something happened or was real. I think ultimately i need to stop using the internet and time wasting things so much and actually develop my self but it's so scary to realize im straight up decades behind every other person on the planet in the simple act of having a self, opinions, experiences, etc. i can't even trust myself to believe I have my own opinion on something because it seems not real to me. Every time I try to think about something or to even talk to myself about what I think about something it always feels like I'm like in a book discussion and i didn't read the book. Even when i very much did read the book and maybe even did so several times. But it doesn't feel like it actually happened because i don't have external outside validation of the reality of one or other experience or thing. I also can't trust myself on remembering and internalising and analysing or forming an opinion about myself and my life experiences. Even if something happened in my life with objective proof that it happened I can't trust myself on seeing it objectively in context of anything. It's like I need external confirmation that what I think about my own lifes events is real. And even then it just feels like i lied and led them on

Well doc what's the diagnosis?

17 notes · View notes

glassofgretel · 8 months ago

Note

My honest opinion on Evillious Chronicles...I believe the series is truly deep and beautifully written, but there are some personal issues I have with it.

I don't really care about the point and message of the Evillious Chronicle series nor the concept of "morally gray", I only believe in good, evil and the consequences of our own actions. MOTHY has made an amazing story that we all still enjoy ~16 years later, but I have to disagree with his philosophy and outlook on the world, ours differ greatly– Though he has some valid points, it's rather naïve IMO... and while it's compelling storywise and from an emotional perspective, it isn't as much realistically or from a political/social standpoint of right and wrong.

Morality never mattered in the first place, because evil always succeeds if it has enough power or deems its deeds necessary for a "greater benefit"... Good and evil are both necessary forces that exist to maintain the balance of this universe, just as our fate dictates.

Personally, I'm starting to see far more evil and corruption than light and hope in today's politics and throughout our society's history, so I only get pissed the fuck off whenever I see a political debate between self-righteous snowflakes on Twitter or Reddit (Especially the Character rant mfs), with each side claiming that they're right and the other is evil.

Even though morality is literally IRRELEVANT in politics, it has always been about interests and agendas in the end. If anything, there are only two lesser and greater evils. 💀

I'm no Altright-winger either, as some idiots on Discord might say... I'm more of a Pan-Arab nationalist but I just hate politics in general. Because if anything, we humans deserve all the shit that's coming to us. And trust me, I HATE Hitler with every fiber of my being... but if I were in his shoes, I would've done far worse with all the scum and idiocy in this world.

As for Riliane Lucifen, despite her awful deeds, she was still somewhat good at heart. Unlike the two-faced hypocrites over at the USA, Russia, China and Israeli governments, and especially those scumbags Adolf/Stalin... But it still doesn't excuse her actions despite her lack of moral agency, neither does her being possessed and manipulated by the demons.

So let's stop painting her as some sort of saint, she was a broken kid who deserved her redemption and a second chance- but that's all there is...

Because we know damn well that would NEVER fly in our reality, even if she was truly genuine about making amends.And I don't want to be like her or Nemesis lol, I prefer the likes of Frieza, Judge Holden, King Piccolo etc. as role models, because at least they're purely evil and honest about their philosophy, they embrace it to reach their own goals. Unlike most of our world's society...

I would say I am Near Pure evil though, since I have clear moral standards and my own personal law, I can discern right from wrong- But I'm not really much better than Hitler myself, and I am wrong more often than I'm right. I just despise everything wrong with the world, but I don't intend to change it for the better either. I don't even care about ending the cycle of violence and hate, infact I want to keep it going for my own benefit. That is the path I've chosen for myself and I embrace it fully with no guilt or regrets, even if it might be the wrong one.

I'm not just being pretentious or edgy either, I am simply disappointed and frustrated with this reality- I've had enough of this world and want to watch it burn. I enjoy treating evil with even worse evil, fighting fire with fire- Because it turns me on, gives me a greater purpose and sense of fulfilment too.

I'm sorry I really don't know how to answer this, it's the most concerning message I've ever received in my entire life

#evillious chronicles #evillious #ec #mothy #i'm concerned #ask

27 notes · View notes

abolitionpsych · 6 months ago

Note

im fully willing to abandon all psychiatric labels. how do i describe my experiences (paranoid/delusional under psychiatric models) without them? should i describe my processes of thought as necessary as it comes up instead? how do i accept these as the way i am?

Idk what this entails for * you personally this is just my experience.

When I was in the psych ward they thought I was schizospec in the first 2weeks of staying there and they denied me so much agency... so if youre experience w stigmatization is similiar then what I think is most important is that you are aware that you are the person who ALWAYS knows who you are and what you need best, ALWAYS. even if youre genuinely confused who you are and whats going on then youre STILL the person who knows yourself best and what you need.

a pervasive and defining pattern of institutions is the (mis)use of language (this includes all diagnoses generally and also words like "symptom" and "illness/disorder/dysfunctional") to reframe experiences in a way which shifts blame onto the institutionalized/pathologized person and, crucially, shifts blame away from the institution or any of its actors. this neoliberalism of emotional response conveniently absolves the institution (+ often structural violences in general) of responsibility, destroys the institutionalized person's sense of trust in their own intuition, fosters dependence on the discerning, 'objective' eyes of the institution, protects + obscures abusive practices, and prevents the formation of solidarity + connection among institutionalized people.

Part of getting away from this institutional gaslighting for me was to "avoid the circular, essentialist, and socially violent logic of "well i do x because i have y condition (which was diagnosed based on clinician observations of x)" which made me think that my brain is broken in a way requiring me to submit to expert clinical management and surveillance"! I stopped thinking things like "I'm suicidal because of my depression" or "I hallucinate because of my dissociative disorder" because these descriptive labels (=my diagnoses) cant explain anything, theyre never the CAUSE of anything. This actually made me feel way less "helpless" and all my struggles suddenly made way more sense to me because I actually started to ask myself where they were coming from instead of instantly thinking its my brain/mind thats randomly being dysfunctional. So actually you dont have to accept that "this is just the way you are" - if youre in extreme mental pain then its not your fault and there is a reason and the people around can change and show solidarity and you arent helpless against the bad societal/communal circumstances that youre in rn (like being extremely isolated or not having support or being stuck in a nuclear family situation where youre still property of your parents - just as examples).So what Im saying is, dont accept that this is the way its going to be forever for you - demand societal change.

Then one main thing that I noticed for myself is that when you stop using the psych lingo that you learned via therapy (symptom, cognitive distortion, delusion, depression, anhedonia, ...) and instead "humanize" your experiences (describe how you feel and the context in which you feel this way and all this without mentioning diagnosis or symptom-words or words like healthy/unhealthy or maladaptive, ...) you automatically connect more w people since other people relate to you more and understand you more. Because the process of being given a diagnosis is in itself Othering (especially when its as stigmatizing as schizospec diagnoses are!!) since the people around you think that theyre not qualified to help you and they isolate you by saying things like "you need to go to a professional . I cant help you." But tbh I also additionally talked a lot abt anti psych and psych propaganda w my friends so they stop thinking like that (like for example so they dont look for "warning signs" and dont tell me any patronizing bs anymore or worse, call the cops on me but instead support me and try to understand where Im coming from no matter how crazy I sound to them.).

Also I started to stop using words that dont blame me for my mental distress and depoliticize what I went through in the past (=trauma - ); that make more sense to me and that arent inherently seperating my mind/body/brain from myself.

This is a good example of someone pathologizing their experiences and how the person could depathologize them by "humanizing" them.

I personally like the concept of neurodivergency. Ik that a lot of people use it to simply mean adhd and autism nowadays but it originally meant "everyone who deviates from neuronormativity ( =whats societally deemed normal to think/feel/do based on your assigned gender/age/socioeconomic status/...)". I like this concept bc you can deviate for any reason from the norm and this norm deviancy can develop out of awful experiences but also really good experiences or a newly developed political consciousness that critiques the status quo. People who are neurodivergent arent only people who fit a criteria for a DSM or ICD diagnosis anymore, theyre just anyone who differs from the norm in thinking/feeling/acting. This way "neurodivergency" also includes people who suffer more severely than others under the current societal hierarchies (=patriarchy, isolation /living conditions under capitalism, police, legal justice system, psychiatry as an institution, amatonormativity ... ).

also for me personally depathologization of my experiences literally included coming out as queer lol. My queerness was pathologized via personality disorder labels by telling me Im confused about my identity and that my disorders are actually causing this norm deviancy. Which is really dumb when you think about it because my personality is obviously "causing" my queerness lol - all I am is my personality! I basically suffered conversion therapy as sb whos asexual and agender which I thought was helpful back then bc I was suffering under heteronormativity/amatonormativity/allonormativity/ generally under the gender class system and thought that its somehow my fault bc I wasnt able to see these norms being reinforced in my social surroundings and in general society. This is why I like the concept of seeing neurodivergency as queer and queerness as neurodivergent (=its called neuroqueer lol). This post explains it - maybe this is also relevant to you without knowing it. I also didnt realize at the time that this is what they were doing to me.

also I personally started to stop seperating my experiences by my different diagnoses (aspd, dissociative disorder,depression, drug addiction) and view myself and my experiences as more whole and connected .I also dont seperate myself from other people who are labelled as mentally ill anymore (or people who dont have a label like this )- I think the most helpful thing for me would be to find language with other people who are labelled as mentally ill that transgresses diagnoses. Bc we ARE all experiencing very similiar things we just think we dont bc we call it by different psych lingo -names but i guess this new language can only develop with an actual Mad Community . Similar to how the feminist movements created words like "patriarchy, pink tax, male gaze, ...".

Also "Unmasking" similiar to how people who are labelled as on the autism spectrum might be a cool way to feel more comfortable w yourself and connect more authentically with others. (just google it theres lots on the subject, you'll be able to come up with what this would mean for yourself easily.) To me, when others around me accepted me as I am it was also easy to accept myself. I couldve never done this alone in my room just by idk "thinking more positive thoughts about myself" or whatever psychs always tell us to do.

One thing I tended to do when I first tried to get away from the psych labels was calling everything I struggle with "caused by Trauma" and tbh 1)not true and 2) this is the same framework of thinking as the biomedical model (=which says that mental health is no different from physical health) since it also makes all my struggles into an "inner mental health problem" that I need to solve alone for myself and that I personally am responsible for recovering from at fault for suffering from.

Also one last thing that just came to mind: I think a new interpretation of your experiences might include a more communal and whole perspective. For example I call myself an anarchist instead of calling myself aspd/sociopath nowadays. This gives me a new "social role" , a new perspective on relationships to others and some experiences that I called "symptoms" before are not only not reframed but not included in this new identity of mine. Another example is a woman I visited a while ago and everyone called her "the seeing woman" ,shes someone that people go to because she has a very unique perspective on things . I was told she can see the future but idk about that haha .But shes definitely also "neurodivergent" ,if you want to call her that .

This is literally everything that just came to my mind! its everything Ive personally done to reject the pathologization from psychology. What i think is that we can only achieve liberation with another and through each other and that if we're able to imagine it together then a new world and a future where we all have a place in is definitely possible .

#ask #anti psych #mad punk #mad liberation

18 notes · View notes

talonabraxas · 1 year ago

Text

Urna, Buddha's Third Eye Talon Abraxas

Third Eye Chakra Affirmations The third eye is the energy center of intuition and divine wisdom. I will show you how can quickly start energizing this chakra using my favorite 35 third eye chakra affirmations.

Third eye chakra affirmations encourage you to become more connected with your Third Eye or Ajna Chakra.

Affirmations empower and restore your chakra and as a result, you acquire greater self-awareness and razor-sharp intuition.

The Third Eye Chakra seats the eyes of your soul. You will be able to discern the world with greater perspectives when you activate your third eye using affirmations. You will be able to see, hear, and feel the energy around you. You may even be able to perceive psychically and with very strong intuition.

Awakening your Third Eye enables you to comprehend complex concepts and situations you may not have understood in the past.

You will see other angles of your circumstances with sharper vision. You will also be able to communicate thoughts and feelings easily.

Your Third Eye Chakra The word chakra originates from the Sanskrit word for circle or a spinning wheel.

At times, chakras are referred to as the wheels of life. Chakras are aligned in ascending order from the spine’s base to the top of your head.

Chakras have perpetually been referred to as a classical element, an aspect of consciousness and related to bodily functions.

The Third Eye Chakra emanates from between the eyebrows on your forehead.

Essentially, chakras are multiple subtle body focal points used in various ancient practices of meditation.

Denominated collectively as esoteric, inner traditions of Hinduism, also known as Tantra.

The area between the eyebrows is where we direct our attention when doing third eye affirmations.

Early traditions of Hinduism reveal the concept of chakras. Between religions of India, beliefs vary.

Buddhism texts mention five chakras consistently while sources of Hinduism offer six to seven chakras.

Regardless of belief, early Sanskrit text revels meditation visualizations combine mantras and flowers as the physical body’s physical entities.

35 Third Eye Chakra Affirmations

I listen to my deepest intuition

I am in touch with internal guidance

My intuition always works to serve my highest purpose.

I and my intuition are made with perfection

I am blessed with an inner voice.

I always know exactly what to do, all the time.

I am full of wisdom and knowledge.

I always look within when making decisions

My intuition always tells me what to do.

My intuition is never wrong.

I am complete with inner knowing.

We are all growing and learning. I am growing and learning

I was born to fulfill my God-given purpose.

I love discovering new things every day.

I see life everywhere I look.

I am here for a reason.

I accept that I have weaknesses. I accept that I have strengths.

I completely accept myself.

I accept everything my third eye tells me.

I accept the things I cannot change.

I can only control my reactions to things.

I can always see clearly

I am sensitive to the world around me.

I am shielded from harm by my intuition

I can see clearly.

I attract everything I have in my reality.

I am enough as I am

I always know the right thing to do

I live to serve my highest purpose

I was born to serve a greater purpose

I am born with everything I need to survive.

Everything I need to know, I already know

My inner-knowing never fails

I always know exactly what to do in every situation.

I trust my inner guidance

Why Are Affirmations So Powerful? The reason is that words are, like everything else, a type of energy with their own frequency.

There is tremendous power in spoken words.

Words can heal or they can wound. They are powerful and can be used as a powerful weapon. They have the power to recreate your world and alter your life.

The reason that positive affirmations work is because of neuroplasticity, which is a proven scientific principle. Neuroplasticity is the ability to rewire your brain with the power of words. There is a major role that affirmations play in actualizing our subconscious and manifesting desires.

Words can be used to balance your chakras and can have a significant impact on the outcome of your health. One example of the power of affirmations is when we have a positive attitude and feel good about ourselves.

The Energy of Words This raises the body’s vibration into something positive and attracts renewed health, stronger chakra, and as a result clarity of vision, perfect health, a relaxed mind, and total well-being. Holistic tradition suggests that positive affirmations raise your chakra’s frequency and make your energetic body stronger.

When you believe and act as if something you are saying is true, and that you have acquired the outcome you long for, then the more you actualize the affirmation.

Thus when you tell yourself “I am tranquil,” This will affect your energetic chakra body and you will, inevitably, become tranquil. Scientifically, affirmations have been proven to work. The fact that they have been around for centuries means that generations of human beings have reaped the benefits of using affirmations.

The best method of proving that affirmations work is to see for yourself first hand. After a few days, you will notice real results in your life and might finally understand what has made millions of people true believers in the power of affirmations.

45 notes · View notes